Voluntary Ejaculation
by Al Link
A few fortunate, and likely quite popular men,
have learned to make ejaculation voluntary. This means they can
last a long time and come when they want to. Most however ejaculate
involuntarily—perhaps prematurely, that is, before they
or their partner are ready for it.
Coming too soon may be due to a physical medical
condition, but this is not common. Most men who ejaculate prematurely
do so because of learned behavior and sexual beliefs, or because
they haven’t discovered the simple techniques that can help
them last.
In order to make ejaculation completely voluntary,
a man must learn to do two things. First he must learn to keep
his entire body relaxed regardless of how sexually aroused he
becomes. Second he must learn to move the sexual charge that builds
up during lovemaking away from his genitals and circulate that
energy throughout his entire body.
Relaxation
Men usually tense their bodies as ejaculation
approaches. This is a natural involuntary reflex, but by deliberately
applying some of the following relaxation techniques you can become
skilled at letting go and staying loose even at intense levels
of sexual arousal.
Massage
Few things enable a man to be as profoundly
relaxed as a loving erotic full-body massage. Women can help men
get out of their heads and into their bodies by giving them a
massage as a prelude to intercourse. Most men will notice a significant
improvement in their ability to delay ejaculation after receiving
a massage. Not only does massage help relax your body, it also
opens up your flow of energy so that the sexual charge does not
get stuck in your genitals.
Stop And Become Still Or Slow Down
Before you get to the point of no return, try
slowing or stopping all movement. This usually works every time.
Wait for the energy and excitement to subside and then you can
resume active lovemaking.
Breathe Slowly And Deeply
As you come close to climax, switch your attention
away from your genitals onto your breath. Take slow deep breaths
that fill your entire lungs. Make your exhalation last about as
long as your inhalation. Let your body go loose. Open your eyes
and make eye contact with your partner. Try to breathe in rhythm
together. Continue breathing in this deliberate way until your
sexual energy has calmed down.
Avoid Stimulating The Frenulum
The frenulum is the bulge of loose skin just
below the glans head on the underside of your penis. This spot
is very easily excitable and can build the man too quickly to
climax. Stay away from this spot to avoid involuntary ejaculation.
Squeezing The Glans
The glans of the penis is the big smooth head
at the top of the penis shaft. When ejaculation is imminent you
or your partner can squeeze the glans firmly and hold on tight.
With the other hand use your thumb and index finger to press firmly
on both sides of your penis at the base where the penis rises
from the pubic bone. This effectively cuts off the neurological
ejaculatory response from your brain to your prostate and will
stop the ejaculation. This technique is easiest to use when your
are being stimulated orally or manually. It also requires split
second timing. Do not do it if ejaculation has already begun,
it can be quite painful!
Three Finger Perineum Press
When you reach a point of high arousal and you
know ejaculation is close, you or your partner can press on the
perineum, the stretch of skin between your anus and scrotum. In
preparation for using the technique during active intercourse,
try touching this spot when an ejaculation starts and you will
feel the vibrations of climax in your prostate gland. This is
how you will know where to press. Notice where the vibrations
are strongest - usually at about the midpoint on the perineum.
To delay ejaculation, when you are at the point of no return but
before the ejaculation has started, press firmly on this area
of the perineum with the first three fingers of either hand. You
can do this yourself or your partner can do it for you. Hold until
the urge to ejaculate subsides.
MOVING YOUR SEXUAL ENERGY
Learning to circulate hot sexual energy is not
really difficult, but it takes discipline and practice. Within
a few days of trying some of the techniques mentioned below you’ll
likely notice an improvement in your ability to delay ejaculation.
Real sexual energy mastery, however, may take several months or
even years. But unlike childhood piano lessons this is practice
you’ll look forward to!
The PC Pump
PC stands for pubococcygeus muscle. Actually
the PC muscle is a group of muscles that together make up the
pelvic diaphragm which stretches from your pubic bone around to
your tailbone. It includes muscles used in urination and bowel
movements, muscles around your anus, testicles, penis, and perineum.
Pumping the PC muscle is one of the easiest, simplest and fastest
ways to learn to move energy and delay ejaculation. Pumping the
PC muscle means squeezing or contracting the muscle and then allowing
it to relax repeatedly. Alternately you can squeeze and then push
out. You can do rapid pumps or long slow ones.
When you squeeze the PC muscle you pump the hot
sexual energy up from your genitals and into the upper part of
your body. This prevents the sexual energy from building up to
involuntary ejaculation. If you can stay relaxed and move energy
away from your prostate as fast as it builds up, you can delay
ejaculation as long as you want. This is how Tantric lovers are
able to extend active lovemaking for 6 or 8 hours or more. By
the way, strengthening your PC muscle usually results in longer
and stronger ejaculations when you do have them.
Add PC pumping to your fitness routine. Build
up to several hundred squeezes per day over a two week period
and eventually (if you are really keen) increase to 1000 or more
per day. This might sound like a lot but you can do 100 PC squeezes
in a few minutes. You don’t even need to find new time to
do PC pumps—try them when you are standing in line, driving
your car, hoisting a few at the bar.
Make Sound
As you get more and more excited make lots of
sounds. You can moan, groan, yell, scream, chant, sing, growl
and make animal noises. The louder and stronger the sounds you
make the more that sound will carry your sexual energy with it,
up and away from your genitals. A wonderful technique is to harmonize
your chanting sounds with your lover. When you do this at the
peak of sexual arousal the sounds you make together can be exquisitely
beautiful.
Hand Movements
Moving your hands up your body, or having your
partner move her hands up your body from your genitals to the
top of your head, either on the front or back of your body, is
an amazingly simple but effective way to move energy. You and
your partner can do this repeatedly throughout the length of your
lovemaking.
The Big Draw
You can alternate relaxing your body with a
conscious full-body contraction—the Big Draw. Breathe very
deeply and rapidly for about a minute when you are almost ready
to come. Then hold your breath and clench every muscle in your
body. Tighten you fists. Curl your toes. Grit your teeth. Tighten
your buttocks, abdomen, arms, legs, chest, etc. If you are lying
on your back (recommended for doing the Big Draw), push off from
the surface with your buttocks and neck, while arching your back.
This forces the hot sexual energy up and often leads to an explosive
orgasm without any ejaculation. You may also experience altered
states of consciousness with this very powerful technique.
LEARNING THROUGH MASTURBATION
Masturbation is an excellent way to become skilled
at lasting a long time. Select a private, comfortable, safe place
for your practice where you will not be interrupted. A wonderful
variation is to have your partner watch you masturbate. In this
way you can teach her exactly how you like to be touched and stimulated.
But try it a few times alone before you put on a show for your
lover.
Build your arousal to approximately 75% of the
way to the point of no return. As you get better at it, you can
go closer to 90% or more. The point of no return is that point
at which ejaculation will become involuntary, when you’re
likely to ejaculate within seconds, most certainly within minutes.
Stop what you are doing. Use some of the techniques above for
relaxation and energy movement and allow your excitement to subside.
Your erection should also subside before you start again. This
allows the old blood to move out of the penis taking with it waste
products. When you start to re-build your arousal, fresh blood
will engorge the penis giving you a new erection. This new blood
carries with it a fresh supply of oxygen and hormones bringing
strength, vitality and virility. Many men ejaculate simply because
they do not allow their erection to diminish every 30-45 minutes—the
penis becomes exhausted and involuntary ejaculation follows quickly.
Repeat this masturbation process of building
to approximately 75% of your point of no return, then stop, rest,
and build again, for any number of times. As you do this pay very
careful attention to what is happening in your body. Notice how
your body feels as you get closer and closer to orgasm. Notice
that your body gives you signals about how close to ejaculation
you are: heat and hardness of your erection, rapid breathing,
muscular tension, and so on. In particular look for sensations
in your genital area at the prostate gland. As your sexual energy
builds in the prostate it is like a pressure cooker. When the
pressure gets too high, smooth muscles go into involuntary spasm,
forcing the ejaculation. If you pay attention you will certainly
feel something in the prostate as you approach this point of involuntary
ejaculation. As soon as you feel this sensation, instead of going
on to complete the ejaculation, you are going to stop stimulating
yourself and rest. Notice how your body feels as you relax and
let the energy (and erection) subside. Once you become adept at
recognizing this feeling in your prostate during self-pleasuring,
you can also be alert to this feeling during lovemaking, including
active intercourse with a partner.
OTHER TECHNIQUES FOR MASTERING EJACULATION
Positions
Change intercourse positions frequently. Experiment
with various positions to find out if you can more easily delay
ejaculation in some of them. There are an infinite variety of
positions in the following categories: face to face, front to
back, lying down, standing up, sitting, rear entry, and sideways.
Some men report that it is easier for them to last longer during
intercourse if the woman is on top. Also, face to face positions
tend to be calmer, making it easier for the man to delay ejaculation,
while rear entry positions tend to increase arousal very rapidly.
Communicate With Your Lover
You must communicate your state of arousal to
your lover. If your arousal is cresting too rapidly ask her to
change what she is doing, to stop what she is doing or to slow
down. Give her very specific feedback on what you want and what
you can stand. Be sure to do this in a loving, respectful and
playful way! Some women believe that men aren’t happy with
the lovemaking until they come. Let her know that you’re
having a great time and want to keep on sharing your pleasure
together.
Examine Your Beliefs And Assumptions About Sex
And Women
Generally the more you like, respect and admire
women the easier it will be to learn voluntary ejaculation. On
the other hand, the more you dislike women the more difficult
it will be. The simple reason for this is that you will be in
a hurry when you have sex if you dislike women. Sex will tend
to be a maintenance chore necessary for tension release.
With a subtle shift in the way you think, perhaps
you can begin to make love instead of just having sex. Open yourself
to giving and receiving pleasure rather than trying to perform.
Open your heart. Allow yourself to love your partner and be loved
by her. Allow yourself to feel emotions as well as physical pleasure.
Quick ejaculation is one of the ways men use to deny themselves
pleasure and to avoid intimacy. Extended, ecstatic lovemaking
requires surrendering and being vulnerable to your partner. Many
men find that when they can let go of the need to keep everything
under control, including lovemaking, their ejaculation response
becomes much more manageable. It is ironic that less repressive
control of feelings means more “control” or mastery
of ejaculation response.
SORE PROSTATE
If after practicing techniques for delaying ejaculation
you experience a sore prostate or “blue balls”, this
only means that the sexual energy is building up in your genitals
faster than you can move it out. This is not dangerous, simply
uncomfortable. You can relieve this discomfort immediately by
ejaculating, which releases all the pressure. If the discomfort
does not go away, this may mean you have a medical disorder, such
as a urinary tract infection, and you should see your doctor.
Al Link and Pala Copeland own and operate
4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra. They regularly host Tantra Sacred
Loving weekends near Ottawa Canada, and weeklong retreats in exotic
locations around the planet.
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